Parents should start educating children about consent and empowerment as early as one-year old and continue that well into their college years. Understanding consent at a young age is formative influence for all kinds of adult relationships later in life.

 “Baby, can I hug you?” This statement might surprise most of the Nepali parents, as we are not aware of the need for asking our children’s consent before hugging them. In simple terms it means permission to do something. But here we mean it more in terms of approval for physical contact between well informed individuals. Consent here for example means that when you're wrestling with your friend and your friend doesn't want to wrestle anymore, you simply stop—even if you love rough-housing and could wrestle forever. Explaining consent to small children has little to do with sex, although it does help prevent sexual assault by empowering them if they are ever threatened by or actually assaulted at any age.

While the surprise element mentioned above is understandable, the importance of consent especially physical contacts that could be construed as sexual should not be underestimated. The recent declaration of “the Silence Breaker” –women and men who spoke out against sexual harassment – as “Person of the Year” for 2017 by Time magazine underscore the importance of consent in the interaction between individuals. Perhaps the number of several assault incidents could have been reduced if the perpetrators of the crime taught the importance of consent even as children.

Consent, while dealing with children, is a whole new different ball game than consent between informed adults. Adults are aware of the consequences of their action, whereas children are not. As such children should be taught that when a child says “No,” it is a no.  And when she says “Yes,” depending upon circumstances, a further consent may need to be taken from her guardian.

Just about a week ago, I was watching a movie with my 15-year-old son. A scene in the movie showed a man kissing a woman, despite the fact that the woman tried to push him away. The man continued to kiss her. "Do you think that's what a man should do?" I asked my son, casually. The conversation ended up on a more detailed discussion about how to identify and respect a person's non-verbal communication. A person can even say “No” von-verbally.  Silence does not equate to “Yes”. At every opportunity, reemphasize and reinforce what you have taught about respecting a person's "no."

Consent can encompass a whole diverse range of topics. It is very important to have conversations with your children about their bodies, what constitutes attraction, consent, building love from friendship, and accountability.   

  • Encourage your children, even if they are still young, to ask for permission before showing physical affection.
  • Teach them that consent means asking for and waiting to hear a "yes." As they get older you can get more specific about how that relates to their sexuality and consent.
  • Never force them to receive or show affection from/to someone, even if it's a family member, if they don't want.
  • Teach your children to respect the power of the words "no” and “stop.” When someone tells them to stop doing something, they need to immediately cease their behavior.
  • Encourage them to say no as well, loudly and clearly without sending ambiguous signals.
  • Encourage them to read facial expression and other body language that indicates emotions such as anger, fear, and frustration.
  • Emphasize that they should respect their instincts. Talk with them about the importance of "gut feelings." Explain that sometimes we feel weird inside when we sense that a person or situation isn't right, even if we can't really say why. Tell them they should always listen to that inner voice, and that as human beings, our brains are wired that way in order to protect us from danger.
  • Talk about sex and consent with teens as at this age they start having serious relationships. They may tell you that they know it all but still continuing the conversation about consent, respecting partners, and healthy sexuality. 
  • Teens hunger for information about sex and anything related to it. They want to learn, and they will find a way to get information about sex somehow. If you are the one providing that information -- lovingly, honestly and consistently -- they will carry that information out into the world with them.