Fragile Masculinity and Its Stereotypes

Many gender-related ills in the society can be reduced by redefining what it truly means to be a man. The first step in that direction is to encourage boys to express themselves.

Fragile Masculinity is a phrase used to describe men who try too hard to fit into the stereotyped concept of man created by the society. A man with fragile masculinity is scared of coming off as feminine and tries to act as per the standard idea of a male invented by the society. And why wouldn't one? Since birth, boys are usually raised in rooms painted blue, with stories of male heroes in capes and red underwear. They are encouraged o play football, and if they shed a tear they are chided: "Are you a Girl?"

The popular fairy tales and stories that we read as children rarely had heroic female leads. Instead the stories had knights in shining armors who saved the day and made the princesses swoon over and fall on their feet. Personally speaking, I have never come across a guy who has expressed his fandom of female superheroes. There has never been a question of "Who's stronger? The She Hulk or Wonder woman?,"  but plenty of discussion on Batman, Superman, Ironman, and Spiderman to last us a lifetime. Boys are handed over books of adventure and masked crusaders who save the day while girls are given tales with princesses who wait for their heroes. What does this teach our boys who are destined to grow up into men? They are taught to appear strong, dominant and confident, in a twisted patriarchal way. They are also taught to shun their vulnerabilities and feelings. 

Hegemonic Masculinity is a concept used to justify men's power over women, their aggressiveness, and their inclination toward violence. The media these days absolutely revels in hyper-sexualizing the female body. In a century flush with multimedia and technology, everything from the internet, the movies, and songs compete to degrade and market the female body as a medium for carnal attraction. The ever-rising number of rape cases and assaults attest to the prevalence of rape culture that supports the idea that men can dominate women through violent sexual and physical attacks.

"Grow a pair," "Don't act like a pussy," "Be a man" are some of the comments that are steadily thrown at men who do not conform as words of both insult and encouragement alike. So, how do sexist phrases affect the general perception of masculinity? Not only do they imply that it's foolish to act like a woman, it also blurs out our understanding of manhood and masculinity as concepts.  Concepts are mental representations. What sexist phrases do, is morph the idea of being men into being strong, tough, Man men. It forces men to act in a certain way and to shed their own individualism as they try to fit into a concept forged by the society. This cripples and hurts them in long run.

So how do you get rid of this toxic masculinity? It takes a village to raise a child. It is not sole responsibility of parents to promote an environment free of toxic masculinity. First of all, we need to encourage our boys to express themselves, whether through arts, verbal expression of feelings, or unconventional hobbies that challenge stereotypes of masculinity. We need to remove traces from the media that demeans women or people of other sexual orientations, and teach little boys that blue or pink are simply colors that can be anyone's favorites regardless of gender. We should also teach them that it's ok to ask for help and it's ok to cry. Show them that it's beneficial to seek emotional well-being. At the least, let's spread positivity and teach our boys that it's ok to share their feelings and not be ashamed to do that.