MINDSET AND STEREOTYPES

I think equality basically begins in the mind. It is an individual’s perception of treating another person at par with himself/herself. It does not happen in one day – it’s more of a practice that you do every day.

Observing a Mother’s Day or a Father’s Day or an International Women’s Day is meaningless if we do not understand the crux of the meaning of equality. Ultimately, it is something that we need to internalize, and reflect on in our actions as well. Without this, purely focusing on observances does not help us further the cause of equality at all.

The good news is, that we don’t have to start from scratch. There is plenty of wisdom that we can draw upon, from the women who have fought the fight before us, as well as from men who have supported the cause. We can learn so much from their struggles, their learning and the experiences, which they have shared with us.

It is time to share our side of the story, in this part of the globe, in the sub-continent, in the country, in this city and in this household! Brace up…for truths are bitter!

There used to be a time, and in many instances, still prevalent in rural and some urban areas, where women are expected to dress up, eat, talk and walk a certain way.  It is scandalizing to encounter such a mindset even in today’s households and corporate world. I share some real-life stories – stark realities of behaviors - of many high-end and so-called progressive men and their followers. This is not intended to demean or degrade anyone. This is not intended to blame anyone. This is not intended to take a spite on anyone. This is simply to state – You are as I am – as a woman, man or a transgender! I may not be better, but definitely not lesser either.

Here are some classic examples:

She is all excited in her new household, which seems to house a very “free and frank” family of 3 sons and parents. All nice and proper, but she realizes she is scared and embarrassed to even communicate freely to anyone in the family, because 10 days into the marriage she starts menstruating and the whole household treats her like an “untouchable” – who has to eat and do everything separately! Her food plate is literally hurled towards her on the floor in one corner of the kitchen, where usually an old and sick dog sat! It was the dog’s domain and he didn’t like an intruder.
 

Out into the corporate world, she works hard with passion and dedication. She comes up with projects that no one ever thought about and makes things happen – legitimately and over the table, nothing under the table! A big board room, filled with filthy rich men discussing how to mint more from the sick and helpless, as she enters the room with her folder containing a proposal of a feasible and potential service addition to the company. The chief, casually flips through the pages – uninterested and detached. Throws the document onto a corner table that had been collecting dusts of rejection and darkness. The dust flows through the room – rich men breathing in the filth while the chief calls her “too ambitious” and says “you are running faster than the country”. She only wanted to formalize a project that would save lives of people, stranded in the remote parts of the country with immediate need of medical attention.
 

Then there is this girl (now a young mother) who started her job in a high-end corporate setup, as a receptionist. Works her way through the corporate ladder to an officer’s position – while taking care of household chores and mothering a child, who now goes to primary school. She is told off by a “financial management expert” who claims to do a great job on the national budget work, and claims to do multi-national companies “financial fixing” work, that she should walk a certain way! “Women shouldn’t make noise when walking – as has been the custom and norms of good and cultured women”
 

• Up in the corporate world – it’s all nice and glittery from the outside. It is not that bad in the inside either – except that when she brings in a big business prospect, she is, by default, expected to share the credits and recognition (if at all!) with the other women and men pointed out by higher authority. She knows they have not lifted a finger to be given that recognition. She is told off by the male CEO that to be able to bring peace and harmony in the team she should keep quiet and handover an important business agreement to a man who is favored by an authority and who has zero knowledge about that particular business and knows nothing of how that came about being. She fights for her right and the higher authority does not sign her salary cheque for months. She is supporting herself and her small family, which makes it all the more difficult for her to fight and quit. She hangs on, while continuing to excel in her work, without pay for months. Finally, she reaches a saturation point where she demands her pay in whatever form – an advance, a loan or a part payment. The next day, the entire office talks in hushed negativity, behind her back that she “asked for money from people”! She was only asking to be paid for the work she did.
   

She is a fighter and a non-quitter. She pens down her thoughts and feelings that is eventually printed in someone else’s book of poetry, without even a brief acknowledgement of the translated edition! The big, rich, high and mighty “poet and lyricist” claims the admiration of people on the write-up. Injustice at its sharpest escalation.

 

I could go on forever, with the stories with real names and places, but I give them the benefit of my dignity and self-respect to not mention the names, but that does not mean these stories should go into oblivion, unheard and unshared! Preventing the next generation of women such agony is of utmost importance than any rich man’s ego and self-proclaimed stature of affluence in wealth and creative genuineness. As man, woman or any gender, we are biologically, physically, mentally and emotionally different – yes different, but EQUAL, not more, not less. A lot of things a man can do, a woman or another gender cannot – and vice-versa!

 

Having said all these, I am not claiming to be better but I am no less – and that is the voice of every woman of today’s time. Hear us, listen to us, and know that EQUAL RIGHT is my birth-right! Just like, you are a man, I am a woman or a transgender or gay or lesbian or whatever the name there is and will be in the future. We are all equal. We are all humans. We are no less!