In today's digital age, the sight of a child pacified by a tablet or smartphone has become increasingly common. While these devices offer a quick fix for calming children in moments of distress, they may also be inadvertently replacing crucial opportuniti

HAVE WE FORGOTTEN WAYS TO HELP CHILDREN REGULATE?

While internet was originally designed for adults, today CoComelon (a children oriented Youtube channel) is the third most subscribed and second most viewed channel as of 2024. Every parent relate to this scene: “Just as you're trying to cook dinner, take a phone call or run an errand, their child has a meltdown. You hand the fussy child a digital device as a quick fix.”

UNICEF has stated that children and adolescents under 18 account for an estimated one in three internet users around the world. Like globalization and urbanization, ‘digitalization’ has already changed the world. Childhood is no exception. From the moment hundreds of millions of children enter the world, they are steeped in a steady stream of digital communication and connection – from the way their medical care is managed and delivered to the online pictures of their first precious moments.

Caregivers may experience immediate relief from using devices if they quickly and effectively reduce children's negative and challenging behaviors and it may feel rewarding to both parents and children motivating them both to maintain this cycle.

Using mobile devices to settle down a young child may seem like a harmless, temporary tool to reduce stress in the household, but there may be long term consequences if it's a regular go-to soothing strategy. Particularly in early childhood, devices may displace opportunities for development of independent and alternative methods to self-regulate.

Self-regulation is the ability to understand and manage your behaviour and your reactions to feelings and things happening around you. It involves the ability to manage and modulate emotions, behaviors, and attention in response to environmental demands. This skill is fundamental for a child’s success in various life domains.

As children grow up and their brains develop, they become more able to manage their thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. Self-regulation contributes to:

  • staying calm when they feel upset
  • stopping to think before they act
  • doing what is expected of them, even when they don’t want to
  • paying attention and avoiding distraction
  • staying focused on their goals
  • waiting to get what they want
  • adapting to changes in their environment
  • cooperating with others

Self-regulation starts when children are babies. It develops most in the toddler and preschool years, but it also keeps developing right into adulthood. For example, babies suck their fingers for comfort, toddlers cry if they are unable to handle big emotions, preschoolers learn speaking in a soft voice in a quiet place, school-age children learn to disagree with their peers without having an argument, teenagers might try to negotiate their curfew time by taking in parents’ perspective.

Different things can affect your child’s ability to self-regulate. For example, tiredness, illness, changes to your child’s routine, and significant or traumatic events can affect your child’s ability to regulate their reactions and behaviour. Also, some children have great self-regulation at child care, school or sport but find it hard at home.

The habit of using devices to manage difficult behavior strengthens over time as children's media demands strengthen as well. The more often devices are used, the less practice children and their parents get to use other coping strategies.

Findings from a study done in 422 children aged 3-5 before COVID-19 pandemic suggest that using devices as a way to appease agitated children may especially be problematic to those who already struggle with emotional coping skills. This number would have only increased after the pandemic.

 

Better strategies of teaching self-regulation skills in children could be:

  • Parents managing their own stress first by planning their work, home schedule and including self-care in daily routine to manage their time with children.
  • Staying calm and modelling self-regulation skills in children. Show empath, be supportive as they navigate their regulation journey
  • Matching your expectation of your child’s behavior to their age and stage of development. This can help your child avoid the frustration that comes with not having the skills or understanding to do what they’re asked.
  • Talking to children about their feelings. This helps them become more self-aware.
  • Helping them develop a toolbox of coping strategies to use when dysregulated. 
    • Mental break (e.g., book, music, coloring, creativity, hobbies, games, movies)
    • Physical break (e.g., dance, sports, walk, stretch)
    • Spiritual break (e.g., yoga, meditation, mantra)
    • Sensory  experience (e.g., sound, taste, touch, movement)
    • Grounding activity (e.g., deep breathing, slow counting, visual imagery)
    • Positive self-talk (e.g., affirmations)
    • Social support (e.g., ask for help, connect with a friend/ parent)
  • Ensuring that they are physiologically regulated with proper sleep, a balanced diet, and regular exercise.
  • Using appropriate rewards, positive reinforcement, and praise but refraining from negative reinforcements like punishments.

 

Self-regulation is a skill that needs to be supported in children because it is key to their overall success and happiness. Children who can cope with stress, anger, disappointment, and frustration are more able to do well in school, with friends, and at home. Remember that the more children practice regulating themselves, the easier it will become for them to cope with and adapt to change. Digital soothing is only a band-aid which needs to be regulated and parents should strive towards developing healthy digital habits in their children so that they can enjoy real life more than a virtual one.

Ganga Gurung, a Pediatric Occupational Therapist with 5 years of clinical experience, is the cofounder of Bloom Park Clinic and Bloom Park Store Pvt Ltd., Nepal. She is also the Project Lead and member of International Chapter of All India Occupational Therapists Association (ICAIOTA) and Secretary of Association of Nepal Occupational Therapists(ANOT). She has worked as a freelance consultant/expert for rehabilitation activities by the LCDMS, EDCDMinistry of Health and Population, WHO-Nepal and Handicap International-Nepal.