Parenting Styles and their Impact on Children

Parenting style can affect everything -- believe it or not -- from how much the child weighs to how she feels about herself. It's important to ensure that our parenting style is supporting healthy growth and development, because the way we interact with o

 

What is your parenting style? Let’s even take one step back and ask, what is parenting style? One of the interesting things about being a parent is to notice that there is great variation in how we raise our children. At the same time, we can also see there are many commonalities from one parent to another, irrespective of cultural differences.

When I became a parent for the first time, there were many questions going through my head. One of the questions was: What kind of parents did I want to be for my child? There are a lot of good advices about parenting, and some them are general and apply to all children—no lying, no hitting. But to determine the right level of discipline and privileges for your child, you first need to look at your child as an individual and tailor your strategy specifically to her.

During the early 1960s, psychologist Diana Baumrind conducted a study on more than 100 preschool-age children. She used naturalistic observation, parental interviews, and other research methods, and identified some important dimensions of parenting. Based on that study, there are four types of parenting style. The four Baumrind parenting styles are:

Authoritarian or Disciplinarian: In this style of parenting, children are expected to follow the strict rules established by parents. Failure to follow such rules usually results in punishment. Parents who exhibit this style are often described as domineering and dictatorial. Their approach to parenting is one of "spare the rod, spoil the child."

Permissive or Indulgent: In this style of parenting, parents rarely discipline their children because they have relatively low expectations of maturity and self-control. Permissive parents are generally nurturing and communicative with their children, often taking on the status of a friend more than that of a parent.

Authoritative: In this style parenting, the parents establish rules and guidelines that their children are expected to follow. However, this parenting style is much more democratic. These parents expect a lot of their children, but they provide warmth, feedback, and adequate support. When children fail to meet the expectations, these parents are more nurturing and forgiving rather than punishing.

Uninvolved: In addition to the three major styles introduced by Baumrind, psychologists Eleanor Maccoby and John Martin proposed a fourth style that is known as uninvolved or neglectful parenting. In this style of parenting, parents might make sure that their kids are fed and have shelter, but offer little to nothing in the way of guidance, structure, rules, or even support. In extreme cases, these parents may even reject or neglect the needs of their children.

Few of us fit neatly into one single parenting style, but rather raise children using a combination of styles. Think of the four styles as a continuum instead of as four distinct ways to parent. Ideally, we think about our children and what they need from us only at specific points in time. For example, while a parent might not typically adopt an authoritarian parenting style, there might be times in a child’s life when that style is needed. Or you might know an authoritarian parent who is nurturing, contrary to the description above.

Today, new categories are continuously added on the list of parenting styles. For example, “helicopter parenting” is similar to the authoritative style, but with a little more involvement, or some might say over-involvement, in a child’s life. “Free range parenting” resembles the uninvolved style, but with a conscious decision to allow more independent thinking that is in the best interest of the child.

Change parenting style

Do you need to change your parenting style? I had to make adjustments to mine while raising my three children. It wasn’t that I was doing terrible things, but my parenting style did not match the needs of my three children. The adjustment process will continue on until they are independent adults. 

Every good parenting style contains three key elements: love, time, and attention.  Love will evidence itself in the patience and kindness you show to your child. And time spent with your child and the attention you give to her when you are together will bolster the other parts of your parenting style. So whatever tweaks you make to your style, be sure that it is heavy on these three elements.