Raising a Confident Child

Children who feel confident in their abilities, who believe that success is possible, even inevitable, are far more likely to achieve success simply because of that confidence. With such a known strong connection between how children feel about themselves

I have often come across this phrase: children observe you more that they listen to you. So I personally feel that it would be wise to use that “power” to teach them what you know about how to think, act, and act confident. Set a good example. Be a role model. Watching you succeed will help your children be more confident. Confidence is one of the greatest gifts a parent can give to his or her child. 

Children with positive self-esteem feel confident and capable. What that means is that they can motivate themselves to take on new challenges and cope with and learn from mistakes. Carl Pickhardt, a psychologist and author of 15 parenting books, says that children who lack confidence will be reluctant to try new or challenging things simply because they're scared of failing or disappointing others.

Lack of confidence can be a barrier to learning. The low self-esteem slowly develops into a way of life, and affects the way children see themselves, make decisions, and behave socially. Without confidence in themselves, these children feel unworthy of achieving plans, dreams and hopes. They give up on themselves even before trying. Grades suffer, and some eventually drop out of school altogether.

Parents can help such children develop a healthy sense of self-confidence by helping these children set realistic goals. With a proper plan of execution and follow-through, they then stand a higher chance of succeeding, and success feeds confidence

Here are few helpful tips for raising a confident child: 

Let them act their age: Don't expect your child to act like an adult. "When a child feels that only performing as well as parents is good enough, that unrealistic standard may,” Pickhardt says, “discourage effort. He further continues, "Striving to meet advanced age expectations can reduce confidence."

Give them new challenges: Show your child that he or she can make and accomplish small goals to reach a big age appropriate accomplishments such as riding a bike without training wheels. Parents can nurture confidence also by increasing responsibilities that must be met. 

Celebrate small victories: Celebrating achievements and small victories make children feel good about themselves, which helps them realize how far they make them and they are more likely to take on even greater challenges in the future.

Open the door to new experiences: Pickhardt says that you as a parent, have a responsibility to "Increase life exposures and experiences so the child can develop confidence in coping with a larger world." Exposing children to new things teaches them that no matter how scary and different something seems, they can conquer it.

Never criticize their performance: Pickhardt says "More often than not, parental criticism reduces the child's self-valuing and motivation.” Nothing is more discouraging than criticizing his or her efforts. If your children are scared to fail because they worry you'll be angry or disappointed, they'll never try new things. So it always helpful to give positive feedbacks and make suggestions rather than tell them bluntly that they did a bad job.

Applaud their courage to try something new: Pickhardt rightfully says "Comfort comes from sticking to the familiar; courage is required to dare the new and different."Whether it's trying out for basketball team or going on their first roller coaster,” Pickhardt says, “Parents should praise their kids for trying new things.” 

Do things with them, not for them: Encourage your children to do things for themselves from as early an age as possible. This requires patience on your part as they’ll be slower and messier than you. But they need to learn to do things themselves. Over time they’ll develop confidence, and they’ll have a greater sense of responsibility. The key thing is to provide assistance rather than to do things for them.

Maintain healthy relationship: Self-confidence is also the result of healthy, positive relationships between parents, and between parents and children. When there is conflict, disunity or a lack of love and respect between parents, children slowly lose their confidence, as they become sad and confused. Family disharmony is one of the main causes of children feeling unloved.  This sense of not being valued eats into the personal worth of the individual.

Raising confident children is also about taking one step at a time. Think about the behavior and attitudes you portray, and make an effort to display the confidence you’d like to see in your children. Give them responsibilities rather than rescuing them or doing everything for them. Encourage them to treat others with respect, get them involved in decision making, and celebrate their victories. Before you know it, your children will be the confident, self-assured people you always hoped they’d become. And when you think about it, that is one of the greatest gifts you can give to your child.