Education begins at home, a common phrase that we have been hearing since our childhood. But now the time has come to modify this phrase, career counseling also begins at home.

In one of the surveys carried out in U.S. recently, a question was asked, “What are your greatest regrets in life.” A good number of people responded, “I wish I would've followed my dreams when I was in my late teens and deciding what I wanted to take in University. Had I made the decision to believe in myself — my talents, my passions, and my dreams; my life would be very different today.” The moral of the story is: career counseling is a very important part of a child’s life, and it needs to begin at home. 

Apart from teaching and research, I am also handling Placement Cell as a Coordinator at the Kathmandu University School of Management for last seven years. During this time, I have been extensively involved in counseling students in their career choices, and academic issues. I have seen students become confused, frustrated and sometimes satisfied with their career choices. Students regularly visit me, and ask my opinion in terms of their career choices. At the same time, some of former students who are already graduated from the university, and are now settled in their lives also told me that they are not satisfied because they did not take the specialization as per their interest. For example, Mr. A wanted to take Human Resource as a specialization, but instead chose Finance as a major in his MBA/ BBA degree. 

Again, two years back, I was approached by a concerned parent whose son was suspected to be suffering from depression and was absent from college for a few days. During the conversation, he told me that his son has literally shut himself in a room and was not speaking to anybody.  Then I called the student and asked him to meet me.  When we met, he told me the whole story. He was forced by his parents to study MBA.  Now that he is doing MBA and he wanted to take Finance as the major, one of his parents is forcing him to go for Marketing. I listened for almost an hour very patiently because I knew that he needed someone to whom he could express his feelings. I had a long discussion with him and convinced him to continue his study. Then I had a long discussion with his father and convinced him to let his son take his choice of subject as major. It is really good to see that he is doing fine in his career now.

So now the problem is - how do we ensure that our children are on the right path in terms of their career? When I say the right path, I mean: do their area of interest really represent their attitude, value, and behavior? For example, one of the issues that I regularly face when a student comes to me and asks, “Should I take marketing or finance as a major in my BBA/MBA?”  Our children may ask the same question to us. They may also ask us “Should I take Science or Commerce after completing +2 exams?” What will be our answer? The answer that we will give may shape their future right or wrong – their future is at stake. So how do we respond to them? We have a tendency to take these questions very lightly and answer casually. This is the first mistake we make.  
The notion analyzed above begs the question: “Who is responsible for our child’s career decision?” The fact is a child’s career decision, or lack thereof, can impact not only the child, but the parents as well. While peers largely influence your child on matters such as music or dress, research indicates that overall, parents are still the most significant influencing factor when it comes to a child’s career decision. It’s important to have career discussions with our child and the followings are a few tips which may help us understand his/her interest and behavior.   

  • Try to understand the behavior, values and interests of your child.

Let me explain with an example. When students come to me and ask, “Should I take Marketing or Finance as a major?”  I respond with a set of questions: “Who are you? Do you like to interact with people? Do you feel awkward while talking to group of friends and families during a classroom or social gathering? Do you like to play with numbers? Which section of news paper do you like most? Is it the money section, or economic sections, or general section? How often you participate in extra-circular activates? Do you like to work in a team or alone? The reasons for asking these questions are very simple. Because based on their response, we can make an educated guess about their personality. If they feel awkward while talking to a group of people, they may not be good at marketing. This is just an example and may not necessarily be true all the time. But what is really important is to observe our children’s changing behavior, values and interests over extended period of time.

It is extremely important to note that, our children’s interests and behavior change over time. During the school days, they may be very shy, but now they may be comfortable talking with people. Similarly, it is common to see that they have different career goals at different phases of their lives. For example, during their teens, they may want to be a doctor or an engineer but now at sixteen, they may want to be an entrepreneur. By the time they reach twenty, they may have a completely different career goal. Do not discourage them from dreaming of what they want to be in the future. Let them explore, in fact encourage them to explore so that they themselves are able to figure out what they actually want. However, make sure to help them in the process and don’t just sit out on the other side of the fence. Again, when you help them in the process, make sure you have a complete understanding of their changing behavior, values and interests.    

  • Try to be open minded

There is a chance that you may have always wanted your child to own your own business or you may have believed that since you are lawyer your son/ daughter also needs to be a lawyer.  You need to understand that values (i.e., what an individual determines to be important) are critical determinants of career satisfaction, and career longevity. Help your child explore what is important to him or her, help your child understand that values change, and be prepared for the possibility of a conflict of values between you and your child. A difference in values can be a learning experience for both of you and your child. As tough as it sometimes is, try to be open minded and listen rather than judge. Research shows that most of the time children listen very seriously to open minded parents than imposing parents.

  • Do not compare

The number one mistake parents make is to compare their children with their siblings, and friends or even themselves. The statement, “When I was your age…” will likely undermine your child’s feelings and experiences. I have seen lots of students who get frustrated due to this very reason. Making comparisons doesn’t help your child to understand his or her experiences nor does it necessarily provide him/her with an opportunity to learn more about themselves or possible career options. It can be great for you to share your experiences with your children, but let them also develop and learn from their own experiences too.

  • Stay updated

How updated are you in terms of the job market? Do you know what is the current trend is in job market? When we teach students, we want to make sure that whatever concept and practices we are teaching must be relevant for at least the next five to ten years. We are trying to prepare our students for future based on past trends. Therefore, if you are well into your own career or haven’t experienced a recent career shift, you may not have noticed some of the trends affecting your child’s career development. It’s important that your child make career decisions based on current and future trends, and not the past trends.

  • Encourage them to participate in the Extra Curricular Activities and Volunteer Work

The job market and doing business are not easy toady as it used to be. In the past we had only a few options available and it was not as highly competitive as it is today. Therefore, getting a university degree, is of course a necessary but not sufficient condition. As a coordinator of Placement Cell, I have been regularly in touch with most of the companies and know their requirements. Apart from a good university degree, companies are looking for people who have soft skills as well. Soft skills refer to personalities, attributes, qualities and personal behavior of individuals. Good university degree may help our children to reach the interview table, but to get selected from the interview, they must have soft skills. Schools and university teach lots of concepts and theories to our children but there are a few things that our child needs to learn apart from course books. These are known as soft skills. Some soft skills can be learnt from the regular studies in the classrooms, but there are, definitely many things they need to learn from outside their classrooms. Allowing our children to participate in extra circular activates and volunteer works will help them to increase their skills for working in teams, ability to work under pressure, communication skills, problem-solving skills and most importantly it raises their self esteem, as our children often feel that they are worthless or there is nothing they are good at. Involvement in extra-cirricular activities will help them discover themselves and eventually it will help increase their positive attitude. These skills will not only make them stand out of the crowd, but will also help them when they need to choose their career

  • Finally: Listen, listen and listen 

We must recognize that fact that each person is unique, so it stands to reason that our children’s career development will similarly be unique. As a parent, we always have the best of intentions when it comes to our children and their career decisions. It’s important to recognize that your children may have their own definitions of success and happiness. Therefore, my suggestion is, be an active listener. The listening process involves five stages:receiving, understanding, evaluating, remembering, and responding . We have a tendency to take things easily when it comes to our children’s opinion because they are our children, and we always think that we know better than them. Therefore, most of the time, we directly jump to the last part, i.e. responding without understanding and evaluating. Some of the students who frequently visit me say that their parents do not listen to them and that it is frustrating. Therefore, we must listen and listen very actively even though we know that we may have some reservations on their opinion. Active listening sends very positive signals to our children and it will make it easier for you to explain them about the pros and cons of their opinion. The good thing is if we become active listeners, most of the time, children will also actively listen to us.

Making career decisions is a dynamic process; it is subject to chance and isn’t only about making one choice. As a parent, we are well positioned to be one of the strongest allies and one of the greatest supports in our child’s life when they are making career decision. Therefore, as parents, let us be very active listeners and at the same time be curious, be understanding, and most of all, be patient.