If you are a parent of a child who goes to a nursery or kindergarten, how many times have you asked your child to recite the nursery rhymes in front of strangers, friends or the family? Many parents do this all the time. The children might not be comfortable doing it, but they are pressurized to do them for their parents’ sake. This weight of parents’ expectation out of their children goes on throughout the life of the children.

Many children also face the pressure of getting high marks in school, getting into expensive universities, etc. Many times what I have observed is that it is for the satisfaction of the parents rather than the actual desires of the children. There is nothing wrong in parents seeking the best for their children. That is natural. But what happens at times is that the parents’ expectation might not really match with the ability or the dreams of the children. Even I have on several occasions put forth such expected on my children, whether by asking them to get good grades in their school, or by comparing them with their friends who were getting better grades than them. Yes, it is natural for parents to compare their children with their children’s friends or their cousins, but what are the implications of doing that?

One aspect of this is a vanity factor. You want to feel good in front of your peers and make them feel that your children are no less capable than their children. Parents naturally want to be proud of their children. But putting them on pressure for something you want (but they do not want) may harm your children’s development. For example, your child may be very good in football or some other field even if they are not stellar in studies. It is important to respect their dreams and aspirations too. So I feel it is important that you give your child a chance to try everything, not just thinks that you think are important.

It is of course proven statistically that children who do well in academics also do well in their careers later in life. But now just becoming a doctor or an engineer probably might not be enough. Our whole education system has come from the industrialization era, where just the way they speeded up manufacturing through the use of assembly lines, they converted education also into an assembly line process with well-defined grades and marking systems. This maybe good use of resources available for educating children but it may not bring out the best in the children.

There is an illustration that I will always remember. It is of a fish, an elephant, a dog and a monkey. The teacher says whoever climbs that tree first is the best student, and will get an A. It is inappropriate to judge an animal by focusing on a skill which the creature does not possess. A fish is specialized to swim superbly, and its ability to climb a tree is non-existent. So the fish will live its whole life believing it is stupid. The same analogy can be used in life as well. Every child has his own set of skills; we must be able to recognize them.

When it comes to attending college or universities, parents often focus on getting the degree rather than skills. But it is very important that children get the skills along with the degree. We need to hone their skills in order to make them outliers, which will be crucial for them in the coming days. For example, parents maybe sending their children to attend a computer class but they might not be learning as the class is too generalized. So, it might be better to send them to a programming course or any other courses such as fashion designing for that matter which will give them a solid set of skills. Fashion designing is as respected a profession, as to pilot or banker. Your child’s interest could be to work as film directors, a football player, or a musician, just to name a few possibilities. In the end, it is the skill that really matters not the degrees. And certainly not your unreasonable expectations.