While many middle-class parents in Nepal may consider not making their children do any household work as a sign of their affection and love for their children, there is a growing body of evidence that involving them in household chores can be actually beneficial to them.

A few years back my youngest daughter, who was just four years old, was surprised to see her father help me do the dishes after a meal. She asked her father an innocent yet interesting question, “Papa, why are you doing the dishes? Is it not mummy’s job to do the dishes?”

The first instinctive response to the above question would be from the gender perspective: why should only women do household chores? My response, however, goes beyond that: why should not all members of the family – including children – not help in doing household chores? Of course, it goes without saying that the chores should be age appropriate, both boys and girls should be involved (the usual tendency is for the boys to be left off the hook, and only keep the daughters to work in the kitchen), and the chores should not detract the children from their studies. But I will not be surprised if I see that parents in many households, especially traditional ones, that have servants to do much of the household work find this suggestion beneath their status.

It is important to start teaching children to be involved in household chores from a very young age. According to a research done by Marty Rossman at the University of Mississippi, “Involving children in household tasks at an early age can have a positive impact later in life.” Those who did chores as young children were more likely to be well-adjusted, have better relationships with friends and family, and be more successful in their careers. Other than making children better human beings, involving them in household tasks will also help them to see themselves as important contributors to the family. They feel a connection to the family that perhaps no money can buy.

As modern day parents we would like our children to spend their time on things that will help them achieve success later in life. But in the process of helping our children to succeed, according to Richard Rende, a Developmental Psychologist in Paradise Valley, Arizona, “We’ve stopped doing one thing that’s actually been a proven predictor of success—and that’s household chores.”

With only so many hours in a day, parents need to help children decide how to spend their time wisely and help them prioritize tasks. If we easily let our children off the hook for chores because they have too much schoolwork or need to participate in sports practice, in fact we are saying, intentionally or unintentionally, that their academic or athletic skills are more important. To a certain extent that is true, but if our children fail a test or fail to make the winning shot, then they may perceive that they have failed at what they deem is the most important. In such a scenario, they would have no other pillars of competency upon which they could rely, or build their confidence. But by completing household chores, they may not always be star students or athletes, but they will know that they can contribute to the family, begin to take care of themselves, and learn skills that they will always need as adults.

Unlike in western countries, many middle-class Nepali families here in Nepal have helpers at home to get most of the menial work done, so there are hardly any chores left for the children. But if you give a little more thought, you can always come up with something. For instance, they could make their bed, clean their closets, put their dirty clothes in the laundry basket, or even help in the kitchen. I let my children help me do the dishes after dinner and “lock down” (whereby they make sure that all the outside doors are closed and locked from inside and the gas valves have been turned off) in the house every night. It was a little difficult in the beginning to make them do that, but now they divide the chores among themselves, and they themselves decide who will do dishes and who will do the lock down.

I agree that sometimes it is a real challenge to get the children to do their assigned chores. We often hear the popular refrains: “Just wait a minute,” “I promise, I’ll do it later,” “Aw, Mom, do I have to?” “My sister hasn’t done her share, why should I?” The noise level and stress level often rise along with the increase in the stack of dishes. Here are few helpful tips to deal with that:

Start small: The easiest way to secure the children’s assistance with household chores is to initiate them into the process when they are small. If your child is a preschooler, she will enjoy being with you, and working with you. While the short-term goal is to get the house cleaned, the long-term goal is to teach your children the value of work. This is investment in your children's learning now will bear abundant fruit in just a few years.

Give each child her own task: Children like ownership and trust. It is easier if we assign each child a special chore that is just for her, such as cleaning her study area, putting the dirty clothes in the laundry bin, or putting away clothes scattered around in a designated place.

Give the power to choose: Children who are given an option to choose chores do them better and do them more happily. In our household, my children were allowed to select their own chores on cleaning days. If I keep an open mind and allow them to choose their own tasks, the work gets completed sooner and far more pleasantly than if I assign jobs according to my own preferences.

Make it a challenge: Children often enjoy challenges. It is ok to let children to do chores that we feel are complicated, so long as they are age appropriate. For instance, you can allow your thirteen-year old to change that burnt light bulb in the hallway you have been meaning to change for weeks, but never found time.

Ditch the bribes: Chores are a normal part of daily life and an important feature of living as a family. If you reward your children for doing their chores, the children will naturally value the rewards more than the simple joy of seeing a work to completion. So in future the children will only do their chores if there is a reward, and not do them out of habit. As such, don’t give monetary or other rewards, just thank them.

Make doing the chores fun: I often listen to music when I do my chores which makes doing them less boring. My children too enjoy listening to music as they do their assigned chores. Music can make even the dullest chores enjoyable. Sarah Ockwell-Smith the founder of gentle parenting.co.uk suggests, “ Set aside a couple of hours every week for family housework time, then turn the radio up loud and get everyone involved, making the session productive and fun.”

Make a home for children with your children. Children may not thank us in the short-term for giving them chores. This is a case where the goal is not necessarily to make your children happy, but rather teach them life skills and a sense of responsibility that will last a life time. If, in the process, they also start to value work in general, and give greater respect to other people who do menial work, all the power to them.