1. Often a teacher of opposite sex touches my back, supposedly as an innocent display of affection. It is not only me; he also touches other students.  What he does not understand is that we do not feel comfortable.  How do we stop him without hurting his feelings? (Student)

Social touching such as a pat on the shoulder is something people do to bond with other human beings. However, every individual has his or her preference as to what is comfortable and/or acceptable. Often, when such uncomfortable action is carried out by someone who is older than you or someone you trust and or respect like a friend, older relative, or a teacher, it is only natural to feel confused about the intention of the action or to find a way to say it without offending the person in question. Your body is all yours and no one has the right to touch it unless it is ok with you. It does not matter if the other person’s intentions are positive or not or if the touch is as minor as holding hand. You and only you can decide what is appropriate for you. The rule of thumb is if you are comfortable, you have every right to say no. You may chose to either directly talk to the teacher respectfully making it clear that you are not comfortable with the touch or you can also talk to your school Principal or another teacher you trust. Alternatively, you can also tell you parents about it so they can help you to talk to the appropriate person.

  1. I have a daughter.  Lately her material demands are increasing day-by-day.  I have tried not to give in to her unnecessary demands. But she throws tantrums, gives the impression that she is entitled, and we owe her everything.  How do I deal with such situation without making it worse? (Parent)

This is a common problem among parents of this generation. We provide to the best of our ability for our children, fulfilling all their demands before they even realize they actually need something, raising a generation of children who feel entitled to everything including love. These children fail to understand a fundamental part about relationships that it is mutual and has to be earned. Sometimes we give-in and buy whatever we want because we use it as bribery and encouragement for performing as promised,  or to somehow compensate for not being able to give enough time, or to buy their kids things that all their peers have so they ‘fit in’ with their peers.

When your child makes a demand and you’ve patiently heard their reasons and you’ve decided to say no, here’s what you can do: Give your reason first. Know that ‘no’ means ‘no’ and not ‘maybe.’  If you are used to meeting your child’s demands or eventually agreeing after some tantrum, then this process is going to be very difficult initially. No matter how much they cry or argue, stick with your decision or you risk giving the idea that misbehaving is the way to get what they want. If you can, offer something else. For example if you are out looking for basketball shoes, ‘I can’t buy you this shoe because it is too expensive. But I can buy one of these instead.’ If your child agrees, acknowledge the child’s behavior and attitude. It also helps to avoid such situations by having a conversation before they occur.  For instance, involve your child in creating a shopping list and agree on what to buy prior to going out. Have family meetings to discuss about budgeting, creating personal shopping list and approval process of the shopping items. Sometimes it may also help to delay by saying, ‘Ok, we can talk about it during …’This works best if the ground rule has been set and agreed preferably during family meeting.

  1. Sometimes my son asks answers to his homework questions from me, instead of searching for information or working out the problems by himself. I am beginning to feel that I am the one who is doing much of the work. How can I help my son help himself? (Parent)

Every child is different in terms of his strengths and weaknesses so there isn’t one size fits all kind of response to that. Knowing the needs of your child and the importance of assignment might help each parent to provide appropriate support to your child. The short term objective of assignment is often reinforcement of the daily lessons taught in school. The long term objective of an assignment is to teach organization skills such as time management and study skills. Next time your child asks you to help with an assignment, take a moment to identify if your child requires help with the concept taught or with the appropriate skills and management of resources to get the assignment and/or the project done.

Let your child take lead when it comes to doing homework which starts all the way from getting his/her study materials out from the bag, checking when the assignments are due, and setting time for each assignment. Replace “Now do this assignment” with “What assignment do you have due tomorrow?” and “Don’t you have Math test this week?”  If you think your child is having a difficult time grasping concepts taught in school and may need subject specific help, it may be worthwhile for the child to get additional help with understanding the concepts taught as some kids may learn better from someone else. That someone else may be you, a responsible older student or a tutor. Either way, inform the teacher about the difficulty your child has been facing with assignments.

(Do you have any school-related questions for Curriculum Director at Premier International School Ms. Pravina Thapa?  Email xxx@xxx.np with your questions.  Her response will come in the forthcoming issues.  You will be identified only as a teacher, parent, or student.)