Divorce or separation of parents often has long lasting negative effects on children. Countless research has shown significant social, cognitive, academic, psychological, emotion, and physical benefits to children when their parents stay together happily

In the present 21st century, it is no longer uncommon for us, even in a relatively traditional country like Nepal, to know someone who went through a divorce, or who is being raised in a single-parent family.  In spite of these negative impacts the divorce rate in Nepal for various reasons has been steadily increasing in the last few years. Divorce or separation is invariably stressful for children, and most children do not want their parents to separate unless the marriage is full of intense conflict and anger.

Divorce or separation increases the risk that children will suffer from psychological and behavioral problems. It has been seen that such children are more likely to develop problems that are in some ways related to anger, such as disobedience, and rule violations. School performance of these children can also suffer. In divorce or separation, children lose access to both of their parents when they need them the most, and this loss impacts profoundly on their development. This loss causes insecurity, which threatens their development and denies them an opportunity to explore and learn from the world. They divert their energies to seek reassurance, which under normal circumstances they would have spent on learning, experimenting, and growing.

Having said that, sometimes divorce or separation is the only option remaining on the table for some parents, especially if physical or mental torture, substance abuse, infidelity etc. are the root causes of their conflict. In such cases, it is perhaps better for the children to see parents separated than be perpetually exposed to intense conflict.

If all efforts fail, and divorce or separation is the only option, such parents, in the interest of their children, may want to follow the tips below to help their children through the difficult time:

  • Conduct visible conflict, heated discussion, and legal talk away from the children.
  • Minimize disruptions to children's daily routines.
  • Confine negativity and blame to private therapy sessions, or conversations with friends outside the home.
  • Keep each parent involved in the children's lives.

Children often learn how to be in relationship through the example of their own relationship with their parents, and the parents’ relationship with each other. If they are secure in their relationship with their parents, chances that they too will experience security and fulfillment in their own intimate relationships later in their adulthood. It has been seen that the children who succeed despite their parents’ relationship problems, have parents who can at least communicate effectively and work together as parents, for the sake of their children, even if they are divorced or separated.