The most important thing, we can do as parents, for our children is to help them acquire values and qualities that they can rely on throughout their lives. In doing so, they will have the best chance of leading good lives as individuals and as citizens of

“Intelligence is not enough.  Intelligence plus character, that is the goal of true education.” Martin Luther King, Jr.

Just as children are taught to tie their shoes, read and write, solve math problems, and understand science concepts and events in history, they must be guided in developing a set of qualities that are valued by their families and by the communities in which they live. It is only through guidance and modeling by caring adults that children learn to be honest and thoughtful, to stand up for their principles, to care about others, to act responsibly, and to make sound moral choices.

As parents, we all want our children to grow up to be responsible citizens and good people. We want them to learn to feel, think and act with respect for themselves and for other people. We want them to pursue their own well-being, while also being considerate of the needs and feelings of others. We want them, in short, to develop a strong character.

On the other hand, if children do not learn proper values and behavior when they are young, problems can develop. These problems can mushroom with serious consequences as children grow older—dropping out of school, drug use, teenage pregnancy, violent crime—the list goes on.

Here are a few guidelines to raise caring, respectful, and ethical children, who need adults to help them nurture and develop these qualities.

  • Develop caring, loving relationship with your children

Plan regular, and emotionally intimate time with your children. For example, you can schedule one Saturday afternoon a month with each of your children to do something you both enjoy.

During those scheduled times, you can take turns asking each other questions such as “What was the best or hard part of the day?” “What was something someone did for you or vice versa?” these questions will bring out thoughts, feelings, experiences, and a habit of reflecting on ones actions.

  • Be a strong moral role model and mentor

Regularly engage in community service, or model other ways of contributing to the community. Even better, consider doing this with your child.

  • Provide opportunities for children to practice caring and offering gratitude

Consider making expressing gratitude a daily ritual at dinnertime, bedtime, or any time the family comes together. Encourage them to express appreciation for family members, teachers, or others who contributed something positive to their lives.

Start conversations with children (ask their opinions) about the caring and uncaring acts they see in their daily lives or on television, and about acts of justice and injustice they witness or hear about in the news. It could be as simple as talking about their recollection of a person who stood up to give his/her seat for an old person in the bus earlier in the day.           

Raising a caring, respectful, ethical child is and has always has been hard work, but it’s something all of us can do. And, when you think about it from a long-term perspective, no work is more important or ultimately more rewarding.