Guide To Parenting Adolescents

A parent-child relationship that is very stressful or troubled during the preadolescent years can be a strong signal that they need professional help.

When a child steps into adolescence, the relationship with the parents does not tend to go smoothly. The ability to talk openly about problems is an aspect of the parent-child relationship. Developing this relationship and open communication takes time, persistence, and understanding. The relationship develops gradually by spending time with the teen. 

 

1. Adolescents seem to maintain distance (emotionally) from their parents. Why is that so?

 

The teen years mark the explorations of autonomy, independence, and identity outside the family system: Kids might want to spend more time in their rooms. They think their friends understand them a lot more than their parents do. They will push their parents away. To parents, it can feel terrible. 

This change is not personal or unique to your child. Indeed, this is how your adolescent is learning to be an adult. Parents can be friendly during this stage so that the child feels comfortable asking for space whenever they need it. As a parent, we need to be aware of how our child is growing. Psychologists call it individuation. It is painful for parents but usual for your child. During this period, parents can be friendly with their children instead of dos and don'ts if parents spend quality time with their children, trying to understand the changes they are having, the parents can reduce the distance. 

 

1. How should parents treat their teenage children?

 

Teenagers need their own space, time for themselves, and the right not to tell their parents everything about their lives. Respect your teenager's right to privacy and try to remember what it was like to be a teenager. Giving encouragement and taking an interest in your teenager is as necessary as praising them. Teens crave the security of knowing their parents understand them, appreciate them, and love them no matter what--so they do want the relationship to be a form of friendship. But they also need to feel like they have some independence, so sometimes you may feel a bit shut out. If you can navigate your closeness in an accepting way that doesn't take advantage of your role as a parent to tell your child what to do, he is more likely to open up and share with you. Try to spend quality time daily no matter how busy the day is. Try having a meal together at least thrice a week. Having lunch together also helps in communication. 

 

1. What can parents do if their children are not listening or don't care about them?

 

Be aware of your stress levels. If you're angry or upset, now is not the time to try to communicate with your teen. Wait until you're calm and energized before starting a conversation. You’re likely to need all the patience and positive energy you can muster.

 

Be there for your teen. People might greet an offer to chat with your teen over coffee with a sarcastic put-down or dismissive gesture, but it is crucial to show that you're available. Insist on sitting down for mealtimes together with no TV, phones, or other distractions. Look at your teen when you speak and invite your teen to look at you. Don't get frustrated if they greet your efforts with nothing more than monosyllabic grunts or shrugs. You may have to eat a lot of dinners in silence, but when your teen does want to open up, they know they'll always have the opportunity to do so.

 

Find common ground. Trying to discuss your teen's appearance or clothes may be a sure-fire way to trigger a heated argument, but you can still find some areas of common ground. Fathers and sons often connect over sports; mothers and daughters over gossip or movies. The objective is not to be best friends but to find common interests that you can discuss peacefully. Once you're talking, your teen may feel more comfortable opening up to you about other topics.

 

Listen without judging or giving advice. When your teen talks to you, you must listen without judging, mocking, interrupting, criticizing, or offering advice. Your teen wants to feel understood and valued by you, so maintain eye contact and keep your focus on your child, even when they're not looking at you. If you're checking your email or reading the newspaper, your teen will feel that they're your priority.

 

Expect rejection. Your teen may often respond to your attempts to connect with anger, irritation, or other pessimistic reactions. Stay relaxed and allow your teen space to cool off. Try again later when you're both calm. Successfully connecting with your teen will take time and effort. Don't be put off; persevere, and the breakthrough will come.

 

1. What are the challenges that come across in a parent-teenager relationship?

 

The teen years pose some of the most difficult challenges for families. Teenagers deal with hormone changes and an ever-complex world and feel that no one can understand their feelings, especially their parents. As a result, the teen may feel angry, alone, and confused while facing complicated issues about identity, peers, sexual behavior, drinking, and drugs.

Parents may be frustrated and angry that the teen seems to no longer respond to parental authority. Methods of discipline that worked well in earlier years may no longer be effective. Parents may feel frightened and helpless about the choices their teen is making. 

The challenges might be disputes over the curfew, the choice of friends, spending time with the family versus with peers, school and work performance, car and driving privileges, dating and sexuality, clothing, hairstyles and makeup, Self -destructive behaviors such as smoking, drinking, and using drugs.

Dealing with the issues of adolescence can be trying for all concerned. But families can help their children.

However, there are other problems like aggressive behavior or violence by the teen, drug or alcohol abuse, school absenteeism without any reason, doing activities against the law, or leaving home without permission. Likewise, if a parent resorts to hitting or other violent behavior to maintain discipline, this is dangerous.

 

1. What could be the positive parenting strategies?

First, even though your child will likely demand and expect more independence, understand your child still craves the security of having someone who cares and is looking out for them. It is natural for teens to want to spend more time with friends and form intense relationships outside the family. It does not mean they no longer need you, be balanced.

Find a balance, don't invite rebellion by being overly controlling. We can find a balance between monitoring and allowing more freedom. Plan regular times to be together

Try to have meals together as much as your schedules allow.

Find enjoyable ways to spend time together and allow your relationship to mature and evolve. Adolescence is a fascinating time for identity development. We begin to discover what we love to do and think about future interests and careers. Your child will benefit from your encouragement and positive feedback. Adolescence can be a confusing time. Your child may need to talk about relationships with friends or members of the opposite sex. Your advice or interest is essential to your child though they may not say so. Let your child know you are available to talk, and if they don't feel comfortable talking to you, it may be beneficial to find a therapist with whom your child can communicate.

 

1. Do strict parents raise liars?

Strict parents expect kids to follow the rules without discussion or compromise. Strict parents believe ruling with an iron fist is the best way to keep kids in line and under control. Children must follow strict rules. Punishment is usually harsh and punitive, and it can become abusive, physically and emotionally. Children should follow orders, often without explanation. "Because I said so!" Parents that feel that obedience equals love. Open communication is generally not an option for strict parenting. Boundaries and expectations are healthy, but we can balance them with love, warmth, and respect for the child. Strict parents make children violent but can also be socially inept, shy, and cannot make their own decisions. Children would have poor self-esteem and poor judgment of character. The strict parent is low in parental responsiveness and high in parental demandingness. Firm parents are not very emotional or affectionate and are critical of their children if they fail to meet their expectations. They use rules to conduct behavior that they desire. Children would be so afraid of the consequences and will be afraid to share what happened. So instead of telling the truth, the children would tell lies to protect themselves from the punishment. Unfortunately, punishment leads to misbehavior and rebellion. It results in constant power struggles. 

 

1. What are the signs of toxic parenting?

 

Extremely controlling. The most toxic the individual, the more they want to control everything and everyone in their vicinity. It means over-parenting and making unreasonable demands even on adult children.

Highly critical. The toxic parent will not see achievements, regardless of how accomplished the child is or becomes as an adult. They are constantly putting down people around them while making themselves out to be exceptional, gifted, or talented.

Toxic parents cause disharmony, disagreements, hostilities, and family breakdowns. These parents cannot take responsibility for their problems. They blame the rest of the family and twist or manipulate how they see these events.

Highly negatively reactive. Toxic parents are emotionally out of control. They tend to dramatize even minor issues and see any possible slight as a reason to become hostile, angry, verbally abusive, or destructive.

Lack of empathy. The toxic person or parent is not able to empathize with others. Instead, everything is about them and their needs.