Circle of Security for Our Children

A GUIDE TO UNDERSTAND OUR CHILDREN’S EMOTIONAL NEEDS: Many parents focus on providing for their children’s physical needs, but emotional needs are just as vital. The "Circle of Security" is a concept that highlights the importance of emotional support i

Many parents focus on providing for their children’s physical needs, but emotional needs are just as vital. The "Circle of Security" is a concept that highlights the importance of emotional support in a child’s development. This article explores how parents can create a secure base for their children, allowing them to explore the world confidently while knowing they can always return to a place of love and understanding. By nurturing this balance, parents can help their children grow into secure, resilient individuals.

Many parents make mistake children’s need by limiting them to physical, nutritional and materials needs. That is one of the reason why in the past many families send their children to hostel in young age. Most of us has watched the movie Taare Zameen Par and we have understood what emotions Ishan (a young character) has experienced and how he felt not loved, not understood and not cared by family and at the end how he felt the positive love, care and connection from his art teacher.

Creating circle of security around our children

A parent education called Circle of security explains it well. Every human beings have attachment needs, however children have higher attachment needs. Children need parents that are bigger and stronger (than children and their abilities). On the other hand children also needs parents are wiser and kind who can lovingly, patiently explain and guide them on what to do and how to do to live without pain in this world. This gives children a safe and secure base where they can start to develop their confidence and self-esteem.

Needs of Children:

Children has curiosity and need of exploration to understand the world. For that the confidence comes from their safe and secure relationship with their parents.

Children’s need of Exploration:

Allowing children to go out and explore the world is very important. In the story of Taare Zameen Par, Awasthi family did not allow little Ishan to go and explore the world in the areas where he was curious about. His interests were in art and nature but family did not give the freedom to work, make, create and try out those areas. When he was doing things that interests him, he was punished or scolded. The attitude of parents in this stage is to allowing children to try out, explore and delight in their initiative and actions. This gives children confidence.

Children’s need of coming back to Parents for emotional fulfillment:

When children are tried, hungry, confused and lonely they come back to the parents. In this stage it is important for parents to be available for their children. When very young children explores around room; after a while child comes back to parent and stay in lap for some time. Early childhood age children play with their friend or watch digital device and after couple of hours they come back to Parents and want to connect. Teenager and adult children come to parents when they need money, some help, and some questions or confusions.  

Role of parents in the circle of security:

Children need parents who are wiser, kind, bigger and stronger. The availability of parents is very important for children. Children are trying to figure our how the world is and how to live in this world. Most of the time the world, people, and worldly phenomena look terrifying, complex, complicated and curious. In all these stage the comfort, positive communication, explanation and guidance gives them confident to face and live in the world.

Positive response in their desire to exploration

It is important that children see their parents delight in their curiosity, exploration. Children share their desire to do something, explore, tryout new ideas, in that situation instead of controlling or saying how it is not a good idea, it is important parents participate in their curiosity and experimentation. Smiling in their trials, positive response in their curiosity and taking part in their activities is very good for children’s self-esteem.

Welcoming them back with affection

The other important point in circle of security is to receive children back in positive way. Many parents tend to make mistake of saying “you were acting like you don’t need me earlier, now you need me?”  and rejecting the affectionate needs of children. Some parents do not show the availability by being busy in their own work, business, studies, addiction or other responsibilities. This confuses children and makes them confused and lonely.

Unlike in the story of Taare Zameen Par, it is important parent are looking at the emotional needs of children. It is important for parents to be available, loving, positive in their needs of exploring the world, guiding them in their experimentation and exploration. On the other hand act wise, kind, stronger and bigger so that they can rely on.

The concept of this article is based on the program called the circle of security. What is the Circle of Security - Circle of Security International

Pitambar Neupane is a dedicated parent and teacher educator, passionate about shaping the future of education. As the General Manager at ECEC Innovation in Education, he leads initiatives aimed at transforming learning environments and empowering educators. With a wealth of experience in mentoring, he serves as a Mentor and Advisor to Smart Parenting Nepal, where he contributes his expertise in child development and effective parenting strategies. Pitambar’s commitment to education is driven by a belief in the power of guidance and mentorship to create impactful learning experiences for both teachers and parents.