It is in fact the child who gives birth to his parents. This new role can be joyous and overwhelming at the same time. Parents might sometimes find themselves lost in the vicious maze of parenthood, and not know what went wrong with their little monster.

Tantrums in public

Tantrums are usually the outcome of stubbornness. Children have a tendency to throw tantrums when they are deprived of something they want, at a given period of time. They cry, fall down hysterically, scream, pull and kick if their demands remain unfulfilled, leaving the parents embarrassed and awkward in public, making them sometimes wonder, “Why did I even decide to have a child in the first place?” While people might even raise questions on your parenting abilities at that moment, just remind yourself “ignorance is bliss.” Don’t give attention to the cold stares or mean comments and focus on your correcting your child’s behavior. You might be more than tempted to give in to whatever your child is asking for to save yourself from the chagrin, but that will only fuel your child’s stubbornness.  This might give him an idea that tantrum is the key to fulfill desires, making him a demanding kid and obstinate adult later in life.

You can correct this situation by counselling at the right time. As easy as that sounds, let your child know that he will not always get he wants from a very small age. Set expectations before going out. Remind him what you are planning to buy, and that he will not be getting anything other than that. Have him repeat the information back to you, and keep discussing it. Explain him lovingly and logically why you cannot get what he is asking for and praise him for being understanding.  But if he continues throwing tantrums in public, warn him that you are going to abandon him there if he doesn’t stop.  Of course, you know that you are not going to follow through on that. 

Aggression

Some children are very aggressive and they display acts of physical violence like hitting, biting, pulling hair, kicking or shoving others. This might give a sense of failure to parents, forcing them to dwell on where they went wrong. As prevention is better than cure, parents should understand beforehand the fact that children often learn such behavior by observing their surroundings (especially their own parents), in order to prevent such acts. They imitate the actions and behaviors of their role models, i.e. mostly their parents and elder siblings.  For kids, whatever their role models do is the correct way of doing it. Hence, it is crucial to set a good example in the first place.  For example, if a child sees one of his parents banging his head on the wall out of sheer temper, he might think that banging head on wall is the desirable way to vent anger and he is most likely to do the same thing when he is angry.

Physical violence can also be a sign of frustration. When children are unaware about any other ways of expressing anger or frustration, they assault people whom they believe to be the cause of their anger.  Communicate with your child about what is bothering him, and what you can do to lessen his frustration. Let him know that you are paying attention and are always available when he needs any kind of help or guidance.  Instill in his mind that such aggressive behavior is unacceptable and it will yield negative consequences.  Ask him to take time out and be quiet for a while, instead of acting in anger.

Excessive dependence

It is natural parental instinct to love their children endlessly and to look after them.  However, love should foster the development of a child’s personality and not be a hindrance.  Some parents have too much compassion for their children. They feel that their children are too young to do any kind of work.  Parents do even the smallest thing like feeding their kid or dressing him even after he is capable of doing that himself. This makes the child overly dependent on their parents or caretaker because he will never get the opportunity to learn to do anything by himself.  It cultivates laziness, clumsiness and lack of initiation. He will not be independent and will always require someone to look after him.

To avoid this, parents should teach how a work is done instead of doing it themselves for the children.  Let your children participate in household chores while they are still young. Ask them to mash potatoes while you cut other vegetable or make them wipe the kitchen counter while you do the dishes. You obviously cannot expect them to perform the tasks perfectly right away. Be patient and let them explore their own ways of doing things. Be the guide and not the traveler in the child’s journey.

Lying

First of all it is important to differentiate a fib from chronic tall-tale telling. Children sometimes tell fib or “white lie” to avoid negative consequences or to get praised. To discourage your child from telling fibs, make him aware that the consequences of fault is less negative than the consequences of the fault plus fib.  Ensure the child that you love him even when he makes mistakes so it is best to not lie and simply accept the mistake.  When he is honest and admits his mistake, appreciate it but also make sure to enforce appropriate discipline.

It can however be a little challenging when you have a tale-teller. Admire his creativity and storytelling skills, but remind him it is immoral and unethical to deceive people, who believe him, with lies.  Don’t be too harsh on him as that may kill his creativity. Engage him in moral-based stories like that of “The liar shepherd and the wolf” so that he will learn the lesson himself and won’t forget it.

Low self-esteem

Ever heard your child saying “I can’t do it!” or “I am not good enough!”? It might hurt, as a parent, seeing your kids not having faith in themselves. But many a times, it is parents who are responsible for this kind of behavior.  The first and most important mantra to make your child confident is to quit comparing.   Parents tend to compare their children with others to motivate them, hoping that will inspire kids to bring out the best in them. However, this might backfire when the children start feeling they are uncompetitive and lagging behind others.  Also, as children grow, it is impossible to protect them from failures every single time.  He has to go through life facing many criticisms, downfalls and shaming, because of which his self-esteem might drop drastically for a time being, but he will be more resilient in the long-run.

As a parent, stop stressing on what your child cannot do, but find out what he can do best. Every child is special. Find out what interests him and identify his forte. Just because your child is good in sports and not in studies doesn’t necessarily mean he is stupid.  It simply means with some help, faith and encouragement, he has the potential to shine in that field.  Teach your child that failure is the stepping stone to success, and remind him time and again to never give up. In addition to this, let him make his own decisions. For example, instead of choosing a drink for him, ask him which drink he would prefer. These small things will gradually ingrain a sense of confidence and decision making abilities in the child.