In conversation with Sunita Shrestha

 

Life as a single parent can get stressful at times for both me and my child.  I sometimes feel very overwhelmed looking at how many responsibilities that I have but some other days; I am quite happy and proud of myself for how far I have come without anyone’s financial support or without being dependent on anyone.


When I think about my life 20 years back, I could have never imagined that I could come this far. I was happy with my life looking after my infant and my family being a house wife. But one day, I lost my husband; I, for a second thought that it’s an end of my life. I was so broken and hopeless at that point of my life, but, when I saw my child’s face; I got the spirit to move on in life. I didn’t know what to do further to take care of my small little girl. Some months after my husband had expired; I started to look up for jobs and got a decent job in a few months. This job could be possible because I had completed my +2. I realized that if I hadn’t stopped studying and completed my Bachelors too, I could have gotten so much more opportunities. I wish I had studied more.

Financial problems:
Even though I was working, the amount that I earned was not enough in the earlier days as we were living in a rented flat. There were times when I would have no money and all the money that I had used to be just enough for my rent and some household expenses. I could not buy new dresses for my daughter, nor could I feed her some good snacks, chocolates that she craved for.  I used to feel really miserable for not being able to afford her the things she wants.  But now, the situation has been better for us and we are happy with the way our life is right now.

Inequality in work space:
But, as the years passed and I stuck with my job, worked hard got promoted to a higher post. But getting promotion was not easy. In my workplace, many new people would come; some,  who had not even completed +2 or who don’t even have half of the experience that I had, but I was very shaken to see them getting promoted easily instead of me. I couldn’t fight for myself for some time but then, I gathered my courage and spoke for what is right and now, I am in a really nice position. Therefore, I always encourage my daughter to study whatever she wants and to fight with the inequality in the work space so that no other person can take her place just because of gender, race or anything.

Balance in life & Mom guilt:
To be honest, balancing my personal life and my work life used to be very difficult when my child was little. I lost my husband when she was just 1 year old. Even when I think of those times now, I feel really sad because I had to leave my little girl at a friend’s place and go to work and then pick her up from my friend’s place and get back to our home. I feel sad because I couldn’t spend much time with her and was always in a rush to go to work. I used to work from 9am – 6 pm and the only time that I got to spend with her used to be after the work. I don’t know if I have given her a good life but I have done everything that I could to make her happy. But, now that she’s grown up, I don’t have to worry about her much. She’s smart enough to understand our situation and even helps me at my work. She has become really wise, mature and understanding girl.

Society’s pressures to re- marry:

Along with many pressures that I had taken up myself in my head, the society’s pressure to re- marry was really prominent and daunting. Some months after my husband’s demise, I had started working in an office. A year after my husband’s death, people started asking me if I would marry again; they used to tell me to re- marry as I had a really small kid to look after.  Also, some of them even tried to fix my marriage with some old men who were way too older than me. Most of the people were telling me to re- marry so that someone can look after my kid and me. But, this statement really hit me and made me realize that I am enough to look after myself and my family. I started focusing on my work and myself. I started my Bachelors really late (after I had my child) , completed it; me and my daughter are really happy with our life now.
 

Adult Bullies:
I’ll be really honest here. There were times when some people used to look down upon me. As I was really busy working and couldn’t take much care of my child, some people used to talk behind my back saying that I come home so late and leave my child at my friend’s home. Some people came to ask me, ‘how can you leave your little child and go to work?’ some used to ask me, ‘Why don’t you re- marry for a better future of you and your child?’, ‘Why are you always late from work’, ‘I know a man who is just 15 years older than you, he is also looking for someone to re-marry; I think you should marry him’ and people used to tell me many other things not just once, but repeatedly even after I had said that I am not looking to re-marry and I am happy with my life the way it is. But, I have to say this, there were some people who were so kind to me, supported me and my decisions and stood for me.

Box Text Title:  Life as a single parent

I have just shared my experience as a single mom. But I am sure that it will be really hard to be a single dad as well. Being a single parent itself can become really difficult as you can just provide your love as either a mom or a dad. You always have a thought behind your back that if I had a partner, how would they have handled the situation? Or are my kids happy? But, what I want to say is that, you can’t control the situations life throws at you, all you can do is to accept them as they come and do your best to cope up with it.

I had made a mistake by discontinuing my studies after my +2. But, I want to tell all the girls to prioritize your studies, do what you want in life; even if you choose to become a house wife, or a working woman, it should be your choice. But, I think that one should not be too much dependent on anyone for financial support as anything can happen tomorrow and we should be able to look after us and our child.

Also, the last thing that I would want to say is that you should only re-marry if you want to; please do not listen to no one else’s opinion and do what you want. People may say whatever they want but re- marrying should be solely your choice and not be anyone else’s forced decision on you.